Flying/holidays with a little one

We’ve now been on 10 flights with Bodhi and although I know I’ve not broken any records I feel its enough for me to consider myself experienced enough to share some tips and considerations on flying/holidays with babies.

Jack and I have always enjoyed holidays and visiting new places so it was definitely something we wanted to continue even with a baby in tow. We have now enjoyed three 2 week holidays to Spain, a week in Sardinia and a 4 day city break to Copenhagen as well as two long weekends in the U.K. I’ll share below all the advice I can offer based on what has made our trips run smoothly.

The 4-6 month window. This is by far the golden time to fly/holiday with a baby so plan a holiday at this time if you want it to be as easy as possible! At this age babies are still sleeping quite a bit and will probably fall asleep easily anywhere. They’re not on the move so there’s a lot less chasing around/saying no! They’re only consuming milk so you don’t have to bother bringing or finding food for them. The hardest thing I found on holiday with Bodhi at this age was just the juggling of having him on my lap whilst trying to eat out at restaurants. He was too small for a high chair and unless moving or asleep he wasn’t keen on just sitting in the pram so we just had to take it in turns holding him whilst the other inhaled their food. Aside from this it’s just having the confidence to go and take the plunge on your first family holiday!

Air BnB/holiday homes. What you need is a baby friendly home away from home complete with a kitchen for all the food prep/bottle washing/milk storing etc. Also a bath comes in handy, a high chair, a cot and having a separate bedroom for the baby. We’re yet to stay in a hotel abroad with Bodhi because Air bnbs/holiday homes are cheaper and tick more boxes for what we need. We’ve stayed in hotels with Bodhi in the U.K. and being confined to one room just isn’t ideal when it comes to space and sleeping arrangements. You can be so fussy and selective on air bnb and still find something that suits. We’ve loved the fact that if we do decide Bodhi needs an early night that once we’ve put him to bed we can still enjoy our evenings like we would at home without disturbing him. Similarly you’re not in a hurry to get out of the door because you’ve got cabin fever stuck in 1 room especially if you’re staying somewhere with it’s own outdoor space etc. I also find feeding Bodhi easier at home. I appreciate not everyone wants to be cooking on holiday but children’s menus are limited to chicken nuggets or sausages and chips so we can give him a better variety at home and he’s less distracted so will eat more. Some restaurants have stupid high chairs too which defeat the whole purpose of them being able to sit there safely and make me stressed for the entire meal!

Let them explore before the flight. My aim on every flight with Bodhi is that he will sleep for some of it. I’ve suspended naps and kept him out of his pushchair for this to happen and so far it’s worked on all but two flights which were the flights we did with him this month. With Bodhi being 16 months he just too alert to switch off for a nap whilst there is so much going on. In an effort to get all of Bodhi’s wriggles our before boarding we’ve let him crawl/walk all over the airport and I know that might scare some when you think how filthy the floor is but we just wipe him down after and if it means he’ll sit still/sleep on the flight I don’t mind! Another thing which we do to assist Bodhi in getting off to sleep is to give him some milk on take off. It’s recommended that they suck something to help their ears equalise so although Bodhi doesn’t have milk during the day he does if we’re on a flight. He also has his dummy, usually he’ll only have this for naps/bedtime but on a flight it helps with the sleeping or just keeps him calm and still.

In flight entertainment. So apart from 1 flight where Bodhi slept the whole duration he’s usually awake for some of the flight so entertainment is needed. When he was 4 months a few little teethers/rattles did the trick. As he’s got older we now bring a little bag of goodies; it’s mostly ‘lift the flap’ books because he loves those and any other pocket sized toys which are his favourites at the time but I also buy something new and give it to him on the plane. Stickers is another good one but he’s only just into that now at 16 months. If he’s bored of all that then we will bring out the phone/iPad with some downloaded favourites from CBeebies and that always passes a good 20 mins! On every flight we get out of our seats to let him have a little run up and down the aisle which so far most other passengers have been lovely about and sometimes we can let them entertain him for a minute! Another thing to bring to occupy them once they’re at the right age; snacks! Opt for mess free snacks like crisps/fruit bars/rice cakes.

Be prepared for a different holiday! Regardless of the age of your baby/child a lot of your holiday will be catered to them. For me this has meant a lot less sunbathing, not managing to read any books, early nights and early mornings. There will be certain activities that you will miss out on which child free you would’ve definitely done. When we were in Sardinia I would’ve loved the go island hopping on a boat but it was all day and it just didn’t seem fair/suitable for Bodhi and we would’ve had to take it in turns going in the sea on our own anyway. The places and times you go to eat will mostly revolve around your little ones routine and needs. I’m very strict about Bodhi’s routine and it still applies on holiday. I won’t keep him out late at night and I prefer that he has a nap in his cot. When we went to Copenhagen we would be out all day so Bodhi would have to nap in his pram but he’d only manage 45 mins compared to 2 hours in the cot and he’d become cranky and difficult because of it. When we’ve gone to beach destinations we’ll usually go out in the morning for an hour to the shops/market/park etc. We then get home around 11 and put Bodhi down for a nap, he’ll usually have 2 hours which is our window for chilling/sunbathing! When he wakes up we’ll head straight out for a nice big lunch and then spend the rest of the afternoon at the beach. We then come home for 6pm to cook Bodhi’s tea and then put him to bed whilst we then cook our own food or get a takeaway, enjoy some wine on the terrace, have a nice chilled evening. Some nights we will go out to eat but again it is based around Bodhi so whereas in the past we would’ve probably gone out for a cocktail at 7 and then dinner at 8 we’re usually asking for the bill at 8. The best bit about eating earlier is that you always get the best table because nobody else is there! I see other parents out late/having drinks with their little one fast asleep in the pram and I know we could do that but we’re not big drinkers so it’s not a necessity for us to do that. Plus I have also seen parents wrestling with over tired screaming toddlers in a bar and I just don’t want that stress!

Invite others on holiday. If you can or have willing volunteers an extra set of hands when you’re away helps a lot! Jack and I have been lucky that whenever we’ve spent time in Spain either my dad or jacks parents have joined us for some of the holiday. The biggest help is probably at the airport because between 2 of us we’re usually juggling Bodhi, hand luggage, a case, a pram and a car seat (we always hire a car). It’s also a help when you’re away though; Bodhi loves his grandparents probably more than he loves me and jack so it’s nice that he gets to bond with them and make memories and not get bored of just me and jack. Also it has meant that jack and I have been able to go in the sea together (simple things I know!) or go out for a meal and have a little date night. The only downside to holidaying with others is that it’s hard to keep everyone happy. I often feel guilty that I’ve made everyone eat tea at 6pm when not everyone was hungry or saying no to staying out for a drink because of wanting to get back. Luckily we’ve been away with our very understanding and easy going parents but I wonder how we’d struggle if we were to holiday with other families and other babies and trying to suit everyone’s own routines. When we have had our time as just the 3 of us it has been very relaxed and easy to just do whatever suits us and Bodhi and not worry about frustrating others.

Choose your destination wisely. As I’ve already mentioned your holidays will be different to what they used to be and considerations for where you’ll go probably will too. I know there are some amazing travel mums out there showing that backpacking in India with a 3 children under 5 can be done but not without a lot of stress and hassle in my opinion! We’ve longed for and thought about going long haul to the Caribbean but have decided against it because of the long flight and then time difference to adjust to. I’m sure we could cope and it would all work out fine as I know others that have managed it but we’re all for making our life easier. We have therefore chosen destinations within 3 hours flight time from the U.K. this also means the time zone adjustment is 1-2 hours at most which is no problem. Beach holidays are the easiest with Bodhi because he loves the sea and the sand but we’ve gone in the months of April, May & September when it’s not too hot. When choosing an air bnb we’ve always made sure we’re within walking distance to some amenities and that there is a pharmacy or hospital nearby because you just never know and these things do become very important with a little one in tow. We chose to do a city break in Copenhagen because we had heard how family friendly it was as a city and we weren’t disappointed. The attractions were enjoyable and easy for Bodhi which made it all the better for us and I’d definitely recommend it as a great city break option.

So, whilst holidays will not be quite the same whether it’s because you won’t be able to lounge on a sun bed all day or because you won’t be able to go zip lining in the jungle your holidays will remain memorable. They’ll be filled with more love and more laughter and there will be special firsts to celebrate and cherish. I think if you’re sensible about where you go and what you do there that you will be rewarded with a wonderful, stress free, enjoyable holiday.

To finish up here are just a few extra tips/tricks

◦ Keep your pram with you through the airport and hand it over when boarding the plane. You’ll appreciate being able to plonk baby in there whilst juggling security checks.

◦ Take a lightweight stroller ideally a cheap one that you won’t mind getting battered in transit and so that’s it’s easier for you to lug around.

◦ Use a backpack for hand luggage. Being hands free helps!

◦ Bring the comforter/blanket/favourite toy to help them feel secure.

◦ Let them have a sit/play in their new cot before you expect them to go to sleep in it so that it becomes familiar. You could take your own bedsheets from home that they’ve slept in so that it smells like home.

◦ There doesn’t seem to be much of a limit on the number of snacks you can take on board when flying with babies so go for it!

◦ If you’re bottle feeding take an extra bottle just so that you’re prepared; you never know with delays or what if you’re baby is only calmed by a feed. When Bodhi was 4 months he was having a bottle every 3 hours so I took 2 bottles of cooled boiled water and 2 pots of measured out formula so that his milk would be ready in an instant. At security they will just scan it. Since Bodhi has been drinking cows milk I use the ready made growing up milk cartons on flights.

◦ Be prepared with all of your baby items such as formula and nappies. We’ve always been close to supermarkets and have been able to buy wipes and nappies abroad with no trouble so if you don’t want to fill your case with all the nappies just make sure there is somewhere nearby where you can stock up and be prepared it will be more expensive. They have formula abroad too but not the same brands so again do research to make sure you’re getting the equivalent. We got caught out when we needed more formula for Bodhi; he was on anti reflux formula and not all pharmacies stocked this when we did find one it set us back 42 euros!!

◦ When flying with babies most airlines should allow you to take 2 baby items (travel cot, pushchair, car seat) in addition to your luggage and baby also gets hand luggage too. The less you have to carry the better though so we usually just stick to a back pack each. Everything I carry is for Bodhi and jack has the electricals and any other essentials. Be organised and have everything you need to get out for security in an accessible place and ideally all bundled together.

◦ Take a blanket in hand luggage so that you can plonk your little baby on it on the floor for them to have a kick/stretch/play.

◦ Recreate the same bedtime routine/environment as much as possible. This will probably only be important to you if you have a sensitive sleeper like us! As it took us 8 months for Bodhi to sleep through we found a routine that worked and so we do exactly the same wherever we go. It helps baby feel secure even though they are in a different environment so if you can keep some things consistent they’ll hopefully settle easier. We usually have a disrupted night on Bodhi’s first night somewhere new but then he’s fine.

• Expect the worst. Whilst I’m usually of a positive mindset when it comes to flying I tend to psyche myself up for it being hard work and stressful and it never is as bad as I’m thinking. Be prepared for the worst and then it won’t be so stressful!

Expectation Vs Reality

Previewing motherhood from the sidelines before I was one gave me ideas about the mother I might one day be, how I’d like to raise my baby and how I’d do things differently to some of the things I was witnessing. Now that I am a mum I’ve realised that whilst it’s fine to try to parent in line with the values and ideas that you hold dear you need to be willing to be flexible and not give yourself a hard time if things pan out differently to what you had in your minds eye.

I thought I’d share a few things which I definitely didn’t see myself doing but am doing because being a ‘textbook perfect mum’ is hard work.

1. Dummy. I don’t know why but there seems to be some stigma and judgement around dummies; especially in the UK! I was part of that; ‘didn’t like the look of a baby with a dummy in, looks like lazy parenting, will ruin their teeth, interfere with their speech’ etc. I think Bodhi wasn’t even a week old when we shoved the first dummy in his mouth to stop his cries and soothe him back to sleep after hours of relentless feeding, burping, changing, cuddling. Bodhi is 14 months and still has a dummy now!! We’ve never used it unnecessarily and since he was 4 months old I decided that the dummy would only be used for naps/bedtime and if he was poorly. I think we probably could go without it now but the only other exception to the rule when the dummy comes out is when we’re travelling because it keeps him so calm and because we still have flights to/from Spain to go on this year I’m scared to get rid of it! Whilst I would’ve preferred not to have needed to use a dummy because it’s just another thing to wean them off of it is a comfort for them and I quickly decided that being soothed by a dummy is far better for all of our sanity!

2. Screen time. Again the presence of TVs/phones/tablets is viewed as negative and I admit I didn’t want to use it as a babysitting service. I thought that we would play together all day long and that neither of us would get bored of each other. I soon realised that the TV could be used as a distraction for Bodhi whilst I could escape for a wee or to collect the masses of laundry from around the house. I am conscious not to have it on all day, typically it’s on for an hour in the morning whilst Bodhi has his breakfast and I get on with a few chores and on again at 4.30pm for half an hour whilst I prepare tea. Then it’s on again at 6pm for the CBeebies bedtime hour because that does seem to wind him down before bed. My phone is another modern day convenience which I have used to make life a little easier especially when it comes to nappy changes! Up until Bodhi was about 7 months he would remain perfectly still for nappy changes, when he started crawling it was a nightmare and no toy was enough to entice him to stay still whilst I dealt with a ‘poonami’. I started to give him my phone to watch and the problem was solved and it’s still our nappy change ritual. The only other time Bodhi really has any of our phones to watch is when we’re travelling. I think you’ll do whatever you need to keep a baby calm and content on a flight even if it does mean he’s watching a screen for half the flight!

3. Baby Led Weaning. I tried to hold out to 6 months before introducing anything other than milk to Bodhi’s diet but at 5 1/2 months I felt sure that he was ready to try something new in the form of a purée. I’d been around other mums that had only spoon fed their babies and also mums that went down the BLW route. As a spectator my impressions of BLW was that it was a hell of a mess, that you couldn’t be sure about how much your baby was eating and I was worried about the risk of choking. BLW for those that aren’t familiar with it; it’s allowing your baby to feed themselves whole food rather than spoon feeding them puréed versions. I initially started off with spoon feeding but quickly moved on to BLW for most of it; Bodhi and I both got much more out of the feeding experience by letting him explore and try new foods himself. The mess is laborious (thank god for my wooden floors) and it’s not easy if you go to someone else’s house but the entertainment that comes with it is worth it and the hope that Bodhi will be a good eater as a result. Luckily for me Bodhi is generally a good eater and so we could opt for BLW for some meals and spoon feeding for others but by the time he was 8-9 months he was solely eating whole food and nothing puréed/from a jar. I remember being disgusted and not impressed by my previous encounters of BLW so I’ve surprised myself how accepting of it I have become.

4. Clothes. I know this is an odd one and it really isn’t as important as the other things I’ve mentioned but it’s something that cropped up in my list. I couldn’t wait to be able to buy a whole wardrobe of stylish outfits for Bodhi once we knew he was a boy and I thought I’d get so much joy in dressing him in trendy clothes. The reality is that jeans are uncomfortable and restrictive and shoes before they can walk are pointless and annoying and I quickly decided to opt for ease and comfort over style. Bodhi was a fast growing baby with reflux so permanently wore a bib and even then had multiple outfit changes in a day so he just lived in baby grows for his first three months and any outfit I did go to the trouble of putting together was short lived before there was sick, dribble or poo on it. I realised how silly it was to buy anything pricey because it would only get ruined or outgrown after 1 wear. Now Bodhi’s older and off adventuring and eating snacks all day long I still can’t bring myself to spend a small fortune on stylish or branded outfits for him every month. Of course I buy him new clothes but apart from the odd high street/Insta shop purchase I stick to supermarkets & primark for the affordability of how dispensable his clothing seems.

5. Bath time. The bath has been a love/hate relationship for Bodhi. We’re currently in a love stage. I thought babies loved the bath, that’s what the adverts show and that’s what I understood from other mums and I expected it even more so from Bodhi given that he was born in water! Reality was that Bodhi hated and cried every Bath time until he was 10 weeks old then we had a couple of weeks of enjoyable baths before he decided to hate it again. It’s been on and off like that all the way but I think he finally is a bath lover now. The hot summer we’ve been having has helped as he’s been in the paddling pool most days and that’s now his favourite place! We also started swimming classes with him when he was 13 months with hopes that it would improve his confidence in the water and it definitely seems to be working.

6. Permanent happy mum. This was the toughest ‘expectation vs reality’ to confront and deal with. Although I was elated and proud to have a baby and it was love at first sight the bond with Bodhi that I know today has grown over time and wasn’t there instantly as I’d expected. Initially if I’m honest the intensity of the responsibility, commitment and stress overwhelmed me and was far harder to get to grips with than I’d ever imagined. The tiredness and how I coped with that was also a shock and stopped me from going around in that happy mum bubble I’d envisioned. I’d been told and expected to be tired. What I didn’t expect was to be so tired that my body forgot how to sleep. So yes I’ve whinged, been bitter and miserable and I feel so guilty for that. Now I feel more content and more proud to be Bodhi’s mum with each passing day and I feel happy, nothing makes me happier than that little boy.

I’ll stop the list there even though that’s probably only half of it but I’m here to write a blog post not a book! The main message I hope comes across is that it’s unfair to judge people’s parenting preferences. Sometimes it isn’t a preference it’s the result of a relentless battle and most of the time it’ll be because that parent is trying their hardest to do what’s best for their little one. If having a dummy means they’ll nap and be properly rested or watching an iPad gets some food in their tummy you’ll allow yourself to bend your own rules. Also, try not to compare!! This is the biggest piece of advice I could give and also what I have to constantly remind myself. A lot of expectation comes from comparison; ‘her baby was sleeping through by 3 months so mine should too’ or ‘her baby was ready to lose the dummy at 12 months so I’ll do the same’ and then we’ll fret and stress and be miserable when our baby doesn’t fall in line. And that brings me back to my starting point; be flexible when it’s needed and do not give yourself a hard time if you find things are going differently; as long as your baby is happy and healthy that usually sets the tone for how you’ll feel too.

Have you got any of your own examples where the reality of being a parent has been totally different to what you expected?

To share or not to share…

Each time I take a lovely photo of Bodhi I have a small battle with myself over whether to share it on my social media accounts or not. Most of the time I refrain, yes I really do try and make a conscious effort not to be a baby bore but it is a struggle.

Bodhi has become my world and I take photos all the time capturing the memories. Everything from the different foods he’s trying, the funny faces he’s pulling, the new skills he’s learning, the stylish outfit he’s wearing or the cutest nap he’s having. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in how amazing and adorable he seems and as a proud mum I want to share and show him off. Yet I’m mindful that it’s a mother’s love and not everybody cares for a daily occurrence of his face in their news feeds. I also feel protective and concerned about sharing too much of Bodhi. He has no say in the matter and I wonder how I’d feel if all of the photos taken of me in my lifetime resurfaced for everyone to see. I think I’d feel pretty miffed that I had no control in what was put out there for everyone’s judgement/entertainment. Of course Bodhi couldn’t care less about any of this now and he may never be bothered that his every move was documented and shared for all to see. I am bringing up a little boy in a generation where the world of social media will have always existed and by the time he’s a teen maybe we’ll all be completely desensitised to privacy! That said I will continue to be selective about what photos I upload of Bodhi which will mainly be nice and flattering photos of him. The problem with that is that I am presenting the perfect side of parenting; not showing the reality that is tantrums and tears and poo explosions up the back. I guess I try to combat the misconception that everything about being a mum is the most wonderful experience 24 hours a day through writing about the downs that I’ve struggled through in this blog.

I respect parents that decide not to share anything at all about their children online. Personally whilst I’ve become more selective and considerate about what I post, I enjoy sharing online; i’m very active on social media and always have been. I’m also so glad that others share; I’d be a lost and lonely mess if it wasn’t for discovering other mums using the same hashtags as me. I look to their grids and blogs for comparison and inspiration.

I don’t want this blog post to come across as an attack on other mums that choose to upload 1000s of photos of their little ones on social media. Everybody has their own right to decide what they put out there and it isn’t affecting me. I know how proud they are and how their lives revolve around their babies and that they are actually obsessed with their mini-me, I know because I feel that way about mine too! Maternity leave and mum life can get lonely and on the days when i have no plans I feel a little more connected and existent when I get some communication off the back of a post. Honestly I actually love bloggers like ‘The unmumsy mum’ for having no filter and sharing all those hilarious/embarrassing/ugly moments through photos; it’s comforting to me as a fellow mum going through those same struggles and I respect their bravery in putting themselves out there for the critics. I just hope that mums take a moment to fully consider what they’re uploading to the internet because it’s a massive place and once it’s up there there’s no way to know where it could end up. I hate to be so cynical and serious about it but it’s an unfortunate reality of the world we live in. We take our children’s safety so seriously in all aspects and we shouldn’t be careless about it online.

I decided to set up a private account where I can upload the many photos I take of Bodhi without worrying that I’m exposing him or annoying everyone else. The account is very private and only followed by grandparents, aunties and best friends. I couldn’t care less if nobody followed the account; it’s mainly for myself and Jack to admire. Its a shrine to Bodhi and a timeline of milestones. We both sit in bed at night scrolling right back to the beginning and falling in love with our boy all over again. I sometimes write little snippets to document why the photo was taken or what updates there are on Bodhi and it I find it therapeutic in a way to go back and remember what we have overcome and experienced.

I suspect I could be in danger of completely contradicting myself as Bodhi gets older and his personality starts to shine through. I’m sure I’ll want to upload videos of him dancing or doing or saying something funny but you won’t find me putting up any of him sat on the potty!

Trials & Triumphs of a routine!

Of all the unexpected things that motherhood is teaching me one thing that I was really surprised to learn about myself is that I’m a control freak and I love a routine!

I thought I’d be a laid back mum and remember saying to jack ‘the baby can just fit in around what we want to do’. Well, that totally isn’t the case and my whole day revolves around Bodhi’s routine!

As much as I feel that both Bodhi and I benefit from a routine I feel like now is the right time to stop being so militant with it and stop acting like we might all turn into pumpkins if we’re out when the clock strikes 7pm! The reason I’m strict and unwilling to defer from the routine is out of fear that it will affect Bodhi’s sleep that night (it took us so long to get him to sleep through) or that not sticking to his usual routine could result in a public meltdown. Planning things for times when I know Bodhi will be at his most content and not when he’s desperate for a nap or wanting his food just makes me feel more confident that we’ll all have a much easier and enjoyable time. It’s limiting and frustrating at times for both me and I suspect others that probably don’t understand why i’m reluctant to go somewhere until after Bodhi’s napped or why we turn down invites after 6pm but having a routine has also created peace and predictably in the chaos of parenting!

There is no chance of implementing any kind of routine in the first few weeks and I think if you’re breastfeeding it’s even harder. When I started bottle feeding at 6 weeks it felt like I’d gained a little bit more control of the day. It was also at this time that Bodhi started to settle for longer stretches of sleep after his usual 5pm feed which suggested he was ready to be put to bed rather than us treating every bit of sleep as a nap. You may be aware from reading any of my previous posts we tried everything to get Bodhi to sleep through the night and there was one piece of advice that cropped up wherever I looked; having a consistent bedtime routine. So we started a bedtime routine at 8 weeks old and it took Bodhi a further 6 months until he started consistently sleeping through the night but I was persistent and held on the so called importance of a bedtime routine and now Bodhi sleeps for 11 continuous hours from 7pm-6am. Our bedtime routine is pretty simple and can be recreated which is why Bodhi has always gone down to sleep without a fuss regardless of being in a different cot or in a new place. He also seems to know when it’s bedtime even if we’re somewhere different or he’s had a good long nap in the day he starts to get grizzly at 7pm. After months of praying and pleading that he would sleep through the night I’m not really interested in stopping Bodhi get his head down for the night when he wants to!

As well as a bedtime routine I did a lot of reading and spoke with other mums about how babies love a routine to their day. It helps them feel secure and settled having some predictability to their day; they know their needs will be met. So Bodhi and I have always followed a routine to our day; it has changed slightly as he’s got older and new things need to be factored in such as less milk, longer naps, less naps, more meals etc. but it generally stays similar for a few weeks until he shakes things up again! Before you think I’m a total boring hermit and not doing anything fun with my life I should say that I have taken Bodhi to classes, i have kept him up if it’s an important occasion and we have taken him abroad three times. I can loosen up about not following the routine to the wire but I’ll just be honest and say that I’m a planner, I like structure to my day and i feel less anxious knowing what’s coming next.

I know that the idea of a routine could sound really dull and restrictive to other mums and I’ll be honest some days it does feel like Groundhog Day. A routine probably isn’t for everyone. If you’re laid back and don’t mind the unpredictability and don’t have or can cope with sleep issues then it’s probably of no interest to you. Also your lifestyle has to allow for it. I naively expected Bodhi to slot into our lives and thought we’d still be able to achieve everything we used to in a day. Sure that could be done but personally I think you have to accept that your lifestyle will change when you introduce a little one into your life and some days you don’t get much done other than lots of playtime and cuddles with your baby. Luckily i haven’t really had other people or other tasks to take up my time or attention so I have been able to fully plan my days around myself, Bodhi and Jack. Also, if you’re thinking of running a routine your partner has to be on board and help so that it’s consistent. Jack has been great, he was craving some order and predictability to his day too after the weeks of chaos with a newborn. He was fully bought into the idea of a routine and although at times he’s criticised for me being too strict he has also experienced how much more stressful an outing can be if we have a tired/unsettled baby on our hands.

Bodhi is now at nursery three days a week and that’s been a big change for him, I was worried about how he’d cope but he’s been amazing! It’s such a relief and has reassured me that he is fine with change; whether tending to his needs and maintaining a calm and predictable environment thus far has set him up well for this i don’t know. A go to routine acted as a bit of a life raft for me in my first year of motherhood and I’ve felt it was the right thing for us. I’m happy to acknowledge that continuing to run my day around Bodhi’s need and preference could mean I’m setting myself up for a fussy and spoilt child which is why I’m hoping to start being more flexible and spontaneous!

Bodhi is 1!

A year ago I was in labour with Bodhi, he’ll be 1 tomorrow! I feel the need to write something to celebrate and reflect on the last year, I don’t have anything substantial to write about so I apologise for the waffle! I’ve always said that this blog is for me to use as a diary; to look back on over the years, I just made it public in the hope that others might find helpful snippets.

When I look back at the last year it’s a bit of a blur really! Sometimes it feels a bit like an out of body experience when I flick back through photos of us with newborn Bodhi. Is that even me?! It’s probably because we have come so far since then in confidence with our son and as a couple. A year ago Jack and I were just us, we had a lovely lifestyle, we put a little bit of stress on ourselves with constant house renovations but we also travelled a lot, ate out more than in and everything was done on our own schedule, all within our control. When Bodhi arrived he rocked the boat; Jack and I argued more in our first 8 weeks of parenthood than we had in our whole 8 years together. We were both finding our way and our fear and lack of confidence in our new roles as parents meant that we constantly questioned and blamed each other but it was done through the care and love we had for Bodhi. We adored Bodhi and had so much love and pride for him but we were a mess and secretly wondering what the hell we’d gotten ourselves into with no off button and no way out. I know this all sounds very doom and gloom and you’re probably thinking to yourself ‘but what did you expect?!’ but I’m just being honest. Somehow I missed everyone else’s struggles with a newborn or perhaps I just turned a blind eye to it thinking I’d do absolutely fine. Things really do get easier though because you learn a lot about yourself and your baby on the journey and you also become more resilient so when each new challenge of motherhood presents itself you plough through it knowing you’ve gotten through everything else so far. You give everything you’ve got and then some more and you give even more than that in those first few months and that’s why when I look at photos of me and newborn Bodhi I don’t recognise myself, because I wasn’t myself. My whole being and existence was consumed by Bodhi. That still rings true now but it doesn’t feel as hard, because Bodhi and I have a relationship now; we know each other literally inside and out, we trust each other more and we love each other more every day. I know that sounds so gushy but that’s how it is! My heart feels as if it could burst some days and just thinking about Bodhi can make me cry it’s ridiculous! Like any other parents Jack and I are actually obsessed with Bodhi and every little thing he does. Of course there are still tough times but they seem fewer or maybe he rewards are greater because it doesn’t matter what kind of night you’ve had nothing can beat witnessing the joy and excitement from your little one when their eyes meet yours.

What I’ve learned the most over this last year is that not much else matters to me apart from the health and happiness of my family. A lot of other stuff becomes mundane and trivial because you get so much out of the company of your loved ones. I’ve also discovered a new found confidence in staying true to myself being more honest about how I’m feeling; hence this blog. My babies comfort and needs come before anyone else’s and I don’t care if that means I’ll miss out on something. Jack and I have worked as a team and that’s essential. We are upfront and honest with each other, we apologise sooner than later if we’ve been unreasonable and we remind ourselves what a good job we’re both doing. We still reflect and reminisce about our life before Bodhi and we just feel so lucky that we got to enjoy all of those adventures. As well as looking back we get so much pleasure at looking forward to everything we will do and experience as a family; the mystery of it all is so exciting!We also make the most of any opportunity we can take to have some time together, just the two of us and I thank our families for being there to allow us to have that time.

I think we’ve had a fantastic first year with Bodhi. There are some really poignant positives; when I sat Bodhi in his ball pit for the first time, when he laughed as I sang to him at baby sensory, when he first started cooing sat on jacks lap, when he was so confident and happy crawling on the sand, when he started taking steps, our mornings all together in bed and so many more. In terms of who Bodhi is and what he’s up to; he’s just started taking steps but I wouldn’t class him as walking yet as he manages about 10 before sinking to the floor. He has 7 teeth! Bodhi’s blue eyes are something i definitely didn’t expect seeing as none of our immediate family have blue eyes but they’re my favourite bit about him! His favourite food is cheese and he also loves berries of any variety. He’s going through (what I hope is) a phase of hating bathtime. He’s only just started to clap properly and point. He loves other children and babies and is much more at ease in the company of little ones compared to adults, he doesn’t like deep/loud voices it’s enough to make him cry! I think he’s going to be quite sensitive and shy and he is very analytical; he likes to study objects from every angle. His favourite toys are any with wheels, gears, beads or flaps and he also loves gadgets and books. He says Daddy, Mum, Ball, Yeah, No on a daily basis and has said Up, Car and Pop amongst lots of other jibberish! Everybody says that Bodhi looks just like Jack but I don’t see that he looks like either of us! I find Bodhi’s company quite relaxing and he provides me comfort as much as I do him as he’s generally very calm and content.

I wondered about whether to put in that section above about what Bodhi can/can’t do as I’m not sure if it will do more harm than good to other mums that won’t be able to help themselves and make comparisons. As a Mum I know that we’re always seeking reassurance that we’re doing a good job and when your baby hits a milestone it’s almost confirmation that things are going well. I’m completely guilty of getting hung up on how Bodhi is doing in comparison to others around his age and either feeling worried or proud based on the findings. A good quote I try and bring myself back to is that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’. Enjoy your little one for who they are and not what they can or can’t do. Everyone of us is individual and I don’t think it’s the case that if your baby is walking at 10 months they’re destined to be a genius!

We’ll be celebrating Bodhi’s birthday tomorrow with his first trip to the Zoo. He had a little outdoor picnic party over the weekend with our close family and friends and a spectacular Twirlywoos cake! We have a cake smash photo shoot booked for the day after his birthday and we might also try and squeeze in time to get him measured for his first pair of shoes. Then we’re off to Italy for a family holiday to celebrate my 28th birthday and Jacks 30th!

Mat leave life

In 5 weeks time I’ll be finishing maternity leave and returning to work for 3 days a week. This time has been creeping up on me since the day I started my leave and now that it’s just around the corner I feel more nervous as each day passes about how we’re all going to adapt to the massive shift in our lives. I’d always planned to return to work; not just for financial reasons but also for Bodhi’s development and for me to have tasks and goals outside of motherhood. Most days I’m perfectly content in my own little bubble and want nothing more from life other than the company of my beautiful family but I’m not ashamed to say that I don’t feel like that all day every day. I crave a change of pace and scenery and look forward to a day without wet wipes. Despite reminding myself of the positives I keep worrying about how Bodhi and I will both cope without each other all day, every day. It’s all we’ve known for a year plus the 9 months before that. We’ll probably do just fine, like all the other families with working mums out there!

I thought I’d use this post to write about how we’ve spent the last 12 months. I’m writing this entry from Spain, it’s the second time we’ve been here with Bodhi. Jack and I were keen to try and do some travelling during my maternity leave; I didn’t have to stress about getting the time off and babies are free to fly until they’re 2. We first tried Spain when Bodhi was 4 months old. We’re lucky to have family with a home available in Spain, it’s like a second home for us and so we didn’t feel too worried about the trip. So many people said we were brave to fly and attempt a holiday with a baby but I don’t think they follow all the Instagram accounts of mums venturing around the world with two children under 2 and a backpack. As much as we wanted and considered travelling further afield we decided it came with more hassle than enjoyment. I’m knowingly uptight about Bodhi’s routine; I feel uneasy about adapting to time differences plus the lengthy, confined travel days with a baby that just wants to be free to explore, plus the worry of Bodhi getting sick or hurt somewhere remote and unfamiliar. At this age I don’t think Bodhi would really get much out of travelling and I know that Jack and I would not fully relax and I would take on a lot of the stress and responsibility being the more confident traveller. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of adventure and that I sound really daft over my concerns but being a mum has made me be a lot less selfish and Bodhi’s comfort and happiness comes first. When Bodhi was 7 months old I got into a panic that suddenly we were passed the half way mark of my maternity leave and that we needed to enjoy some more family time. As well as that we’d all been unwell for the whole month of December and I thought some winter sun would do us all some good. So for the first time ever we booked a last minute holiday to Tenerife. 5 days before we were due to leave terrible luck struck Bodhi with a sickness bug which landed us in hospital with him, it was a really scary time and we were in turmoil over whether to still go on the holiday or not. In the end the decision was taken out of our hands as the doctor wasn’t happy for Bodhi to fly. The whole ordeal reaffirmed to us that we would not cope very well should that situation arise somewhere further afield and whilst Bodhi is still so young we’re happier to stay closer to home.

Before and throughout my maternity leave I kept feeling like I needed to discover a new hobby or find a way to make money. I looked into things like buying and selling clothes and other items but I can’t seem to find the niche. I even pondered whether to realise my dream of training and qualifying as a masseuse but let’s face it I’ll never be able to massage feet. Anyway, i haven’t done anything productive with my time off. I’ve been lazy. It’s no secret that I found the first 3 months very overwhelming; showering and doing some washing meant that I’d had a successful day. I do feel guilty for not achieving much but I also have thoroughly enjoyed my time off! I’ll never get this time again, time where it’s just me and my baby and hours of bonding and playtime and cuddles. Every day Bodhi is less of a baby and every day is one less day with him which is a depressing thought but it reminds me to just enjoy him. I remember before I left work for maternity an older mum said to me to make the most of my time off because once I’m back at work or once there’s more of a brood to look after I’ll not get a minutes peace and will forever be spinning 10 plates at once.

Not having a car to use during the day has left me a little bit confined to my local area which has gotten a bit dull. Thankfully we live right next to a high street and a lovely big park and woods so I make sure that we go out for a walk every day. I’ve also attended classes with Bodhi. We started with baby massage when Bodhi was about 7 weeks old. Then when he was 4 months old we started a baby sensory class which we continued until he was nearly 8 months old. There’s lots of singing, dancing, playing with unusual textures, making different sounds, lots of visual stimulation with lights and colours and each week is themed and activities are all tailored to that theme eg. Space week. It was all the more enjoyable because we went with my sister and my niece. Another really great class we did for 5 weeks when Bodhi was 8 months old was one called Story Stars. The first half of the class is story time with lots of props for babies to play with as all the mums read the story out loud. After that it’s messy play where the babies get plonked in all sorts of things from cornflakes to spaghetti. I tried out a few local free classes too but they were always at the time Bodhi would be ready for a nap or he’d already be asleep and would nap for the duration of the class but as they were free I didn’t mind and it was still a nice chance to socialise with other mums. People comment on how sociable Bodhi is and in particular with other babies and children, I think this could be linked to all the time he has spent around other babies at the classes. He is so content and happy when there are other little ones around which is so lovely.

One of the best things about my maternity leave is that I have got to spend a lot of time with my sister Lianne who was also on maternity leave with my niece who is 5 weeks older than Bodhi. Lianne is such a natural, calm and confident mum and she helped me out with Bodhi so much when I was finding my way as a first time mum and I will be forever thankful for her support and for being so hands on. When Bodhi was 6 weeks old she volunteered herself to come over and put Bodhi to bed so that Jack and I could go out and have a meal together. Then when our anniversary came around when Bodhi was 9 weeks old and I’d mentioned to her how lovely it would be to have a massage she suggested straight away that Jack and I go for a spa day and stay overnight. Bodhi has had 4 sleepovers at his Auntie Lianne’s. I do feel some sort of guilt I leave him overnight, i miss him and cried about missing him the first time. I also worry that other people think that I don’t love him very much because I’m happy to leave him and enjoy myself doing something else, when I hear of mums that have never been apart from their baby I think they sound more committed and loving. Maybe they are not lucky enough to have a super star big sister that offers to have your baby at any opportunity or maybe they are actually just better mothers. I think it’s healthy and important for Jack and I to get some time to ourselves and even though we had 9 years together before Bodhi came along we still enjoy each others company even if we do talk about Bodhi the whole time.

The first year of being a first time mum has been a rollercoaster ride and I think I have experienced every possible emotion. People say that the time goes fast and it really does. I feel so lucky that I have been able to have a whole year off; being able to witness every milestone. I worry that I’ll miss out on so much when Bodhi is at nursery but I’m not going back full time so we’ll still have lots of time together. I also believe that nursery will be a good place for Bodhi to learn lots of new skills in a different environment. Going back to work is daunting but I have a lot of support from Jack and I know we’ll work together as a team to make sure our family unit is as secure and happy as possible. I’m hoping I’ll get the right balance between work and mum life and fingers crossed I won’t fail miserably at both.

Birth story!

After the giddiness of discovering I was pregnant came the realisation that I’d have to give birth! I kept pushing it to the back of my mind; i had plenty of time to prepare, i didn’t want my mind to wander too far to the hopeful future and there was no point in stressing about it, it was inevitable!

As the months passed a relative of Jacks got in touch to let us know that she was qualified to teach hypnobirthing if we were interested. She had learnt and practiced hypnobirthing for each of her three natural, drug free labours, two of which were home births. I didn’t know too much about hypnobirthing but the more I researched it the more I liked the sound of it and signed us up. Hypnobirthing is using self hypnosis and visualisation techniques to put you in the best position to enjoy a natural, calm, drug free labour and birth. The classes are so informative and really help make sense of how natural it is to give birth! Jack came to all of the classes with me which was important and it was lovely to have that time together in the lead up to everything! Your birth partner needs to understand the process of labour as well as you. They’re there to help you whether that’s by massaging your back, guiding you through the breathing and visualisation techniques or just reminding you that you can do it! We absolutely loved the classes and left each one feeling motivated and positive about labour. I no longer had any fear or about giving birth, instead I was excited!

When I thought more seriously about how and where I wanted to give birth I became adamant that I wanted a water birth. It made sense to me; whenever I feel stressed or have any aches or pains I get in the bath to feel better. You can have a water birth so long as you’ve not had any complications throughout your pregnancy, as long as you’re not too early or too late and there has to be a pool available. Not being able to guarantee a room with a pool is what stressed me out the most! We went for a tour of Southmead hospital, all of the ladies closest to me have given birth there and are alive and well but once I looked at Cossham birth centre everything in me wanted to give birth there. Cossham birth centre is midwife led and jack and I were initially a little worried that there are no doctors onsite and should an emergency arise you’re blue lighted to hospital. There are also limited pain relief options at Cossham with just gas and air and Co Codamol available. Through hypnobirthing I was in the mindset that I would be having a natural, drug free labour so ultimately the lack of doctors, drugs, operating rooms and medical equipment didn’t bother me.

I was 39 weeks and 3 days when I got the first twinges at breakfast. Jack carried on to work and the twinges stopped for the rest of the day. The contractions, or surges as they’re referred to in hypnobirthing came back again that evening. They amped up and slowed down, unfortunately I didn’t get much sleep as the surges were unpredictable and uncomfortable and I was also too excited! By 10am the next morning things had come to a halt so we went for a walk in the nearby woods and that got things going again! Back at home I spent the next few hours sitting on my bouncy ‘birthing’ ball and listened to the hypnobirthing tracks to help me visualise and keep me calm and focussed. By about 2pm I was tired and desperate to know how far along I was. Luckily Cossham were completely empty so I was okay to go and be examined. My heart sank when the midwife informed me I was 2-3cm dilated. All that time and effort and I was only just a third of the way through the first of three stages in labour/birth. I really didn’t want to leave but Jack and the midwife encouraged me to go home as it could still be a long time and I’d be more comfortable and probably progress better in my own home comforts. I was given some Co Codamol to help with the pain and depressingly headed home.

Once we got home I got in the shower and stayed there for at least 2 hours! (Jack slept). I got out and had to get straight back in, it was the only place i felt comfortable. I did eventually get out before I disintegrated and went back on to my birthing ball. Around 9pm I felt sure things had progressed, the surges were regular and close together, I was feeling exhausted and just needed to know where I was on the scale of 1-10cm dilated. I remember thinking if I’d only moved another 2cm then I was sure I would need some stronger pain relief. The 5 minute car journey was horrendous, every break and bump in the road felt exaggerated and when jack pulled up to the entrance it took me about 10 minutes to find the energy and confidence to get myself out of the car. The midwife didn’t seem convinced that I was that far dilated so it was a tense moment whilst she examined me. I could’ve hugged her when she revealed I was 8-9cm dilated – just 2cm to go until push time!! I felt instant relief and a rush of inspiration to keep going, not that i had much choice!

The midwife understood we were hypnobirthing and so left me in control of how I wanted to do things. I asked for some more Co Codamol and let her know that I’d like to give birth in the water but that I’d try and hold off getting into the pool until I was absolutely desperate. I think I lasted just over an hour until I made the decision that I had to get in. Once I was in the water I felt so much more comfortable, I could move about more easily and the warmth relaxed me. For the next couple of hours I was completely in my own little world, I had the hypnobirthing tracks on repeat, jack would massage my back for me if I had a particularly bad surge and in between surges I’d stop to have a little chat or have sips of an energy drink. My waters broke at 2:10am and shortly after I felt the need to push. The midwife told me that it was probably a bit early and that at 3am she’d need to get me out of the water so that I could have a wee and be examined. I really did not want to get out and be all cold and wet and I worried it would slow things down. I trusted my body and it was telling me to push! The midwife was shocked when she saw the babies head as I’d been so quiet she couldn’t even tell I was pushing. After 45 minutes of pushing the midwife let me know that in the next push my baby would be here and that she’d pass them through my legs for me to reach down and meet! I was on all fours staring down into the water waiting to meet my baby. Finally all the pushing and stretching and stinging stopped and staring up at me with big beautiful eyes and lots of hair swooshing around in the water was my baby. I scooped them up onto my chest and looked at jack in relief and amazement that they were finally here! After 9 months of not knowing what we were having it was funny that I didn’t have any urge to look straight away. We were absolutely delighted that it was a boy; I felt it was a boy very strongly all the way through!

The final stage of labour is to give birth to the placenta. You can have an injection to encourage the placenta to come quickly or you can just leave your body to do it’s thing. After such an ideal labour and birth I felt happy to just leave it and trusted that my body would know what to do. After 15 minutes of cuddles in the pool the midwife moved me on to the bed to deliver the placenta there. The next hour is a blur and I’m still not too sure what exactly happened. Jack and I were in our own little bubble led on the bed enjoying our baby but we knew something wasn’t right when a team of midwives rushed in and a call for an ambulance was made. From my limited medical knowledge I understand that once you have given birth the body knows that the placenta is no longer needed and so it detaches itself from the uterus. The uterus then contracts and all blood that was being pumped to it stops. My placenta didn’t detach itself properly and so my uterus didn’t contract which meant I was losing blood. I was being injected and hooked up to a drip whilst a midwife pushed down really hard on my tummy as I coughed as hard as I could. It was the worst part of the whole labour! The commotion settled down and there was then a debate as to if I would even need to be transferred to hospital as my levels were all fine. As I’d lost over a litre of blood the team decided it would be best to transfer me to be safe in case I did lose any more blood. I felt so sad that after such a calm labour it ended in such a fuss and instead of enjoying the perks of Cossham I was riding in the back of an ambulance for the first time with my newborn son. It was very surreal.

I felt relieved to be reunited with jack at Southmead hospital and even more relieved to be told that I didn’t need any stitches! I had a shower, had some tea and toast and then we decided to wake our families up at 6am with the news that Bodhi Oliver Britton had arrived on the 17th May at 3:01am weighing 7lb 14oz.

Staying in at Southmead on a shared ward with up to 10 other mums and their babies and partners wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. Everyone is in the same boat. Waddling around in an overwhelmed state of shock, joy, fear, exhaustion and pride. Despite being up for over 48hours I didn’t get much sleep but was allowed to go home the following day with my baby and a months supply of iron tablets.

I’m absolutely an advocate for hypnobirthing and I have no idea how I would’ve got on without all the techniques and information I acquired through the classes. The course is costly and I so wish that an element of hypnobirthing could be provided through the NHS so that every woman has the opportunity to learn about the science and nature of their body, to trust it and go into birth without the fear and dread and negative associations. When the time hopefully comes again and I am expecting my next baby I will definitely practice hypnobirthing again.I still feel strongly that I could only give birth in water but I’m not sure if I’ll be classed as high risk due to the complications with my placenta.

Giving birth is my proudest achievement. Even though there are 15,000 births every hour each one is unique and beautiful and special.

Surviving colic and reflux

Colic. Reflux. A year ago these words were just words. 4 weeks into motherhood I think I set a new record for how many times you could google ‘how to relieve colic’ and ‘has my baby got reflux’ and ‘when will my baby get over colic and reflux’.

When I imagined life with a newborn I thought about the sweet snugly sleepy cuddles. People rave about that newborn phase when all the baby does is sleep, feed and poop. Sure Bodhi did all of those things but in between he was a fussy, whinging, crying newborn. Why?! I’d given him the calmest loveliest birth and welcome to the world, surely he should be peaceful and sleepy and content because of that…well, no. He was a ‘colicky baby’. That’s what babies that cry and fuss for a while are branded as. In a way that label does help you get through the tough times, when you’re with others and nothing will settle your squirming, squawking baby you can just blame it on the colic.

I don’t think there is anything you can do to prevent your baby suffering with colic, it’s just the luck of the draw! Just to explain for anyone that’s unsure what colic even is…it’s a term used for babies that cry excessively and frequently and show signs of discomfort when they are otherwise perfectly healthy. Ever since Bodhi was just days old he’d wake up from his sleep very gassy. At first jack and I thought it was funny and cute that this tiny little thing could produce such loud bottom burps! The novelty soon wore off as we could see Bodhi was in pain with the excessive gas he had and it was what woke him from his sleep and what made him unsettled and uncomfortable whilst he was awake.

Gas drops/gripe water are the first thing most people go to at the start of the colic trial and error journey. You add a few drops to your babies milk (whether it’s formula or expressed breast milk) and it’s supposed the help dissolve the bubbles of gas in your babies tummy and can encourage them to burp well after their feed. I tried gripe water, infacol and dentinox but none did the trick. You do need to give each thing you try a chance to work which is frustrating when you’re frantic and impatient to just find the miracle cure! I gave it a week on each one but there was no improvement. The next thing I looked at was the brand of bottles we were using. We started with tommee tippee anti-colic bottles, we also tried mam and the expensive dr browns bottles. I couldn’t notice any improvement so after trialling different brands we stuck with the tommee tippee bottles as we’d bought a whole tommee tippee kit and steriliser so those bottles were most compatible.

When Bodhi was 8 weeks old we started a baby massage class and its reputed to be good for babies with colic. In the class I learnt how to safely massage Bodhi’s tiny tummy to help move the gas bubbles into the right direction and get the gas out. It did work! After I’d learnt the techniques whenever Bodhi woke in the night, when his gas was at its worst, I would massage his tummy for 20 minutes and he’d either fall back to sleep whilst I did it or he’d have a poo; either way it settled him.

Another thing I tried and think made a difference to Bodhi’s gassy tummy was baby tea. It’s tea made up of camomile, fennel, thyme and aniseed. The brand I purchased was Neuners baby stomach ease tea. I’d brew up a batch, keep it in the fridge and then add an ounce to one or two of Bodhi’s bottles a day. I started this around the same time as the baby massage so it may have been a combination of the two things that helped ease things a little. I used the tea for about a week and then only resorted to it if Bodhi seemed to be noticeably more uncomfortable than usual. I don’t think we used it passed 10 weeks as this is when we had a breakthrough with changing the formula he was on.

When I introduced formula I opted for Cow and Gate stage 1. (FYI Cow & gate and Aptamil are sister companies and share the same formula recipe; they told me over the phone and if you compare the ingredients list from each brand there is nothing different apart from the fact you pay £2 more for aptamil!) I noticed that Bodhi would splutter and spill milk everywhere, he would cough and gag quite a lot, he often looked like he had a funny taste in his mouth and he would always bring up some milk when he was burped. He just seemed to be struggling and I knew something was up. During all my colic research I’d ruled out a dairy intolerance as aside from the gas Bodhi didn’t have any other symptoms such as sickness/diarrhoea/constipation or a rash that would suggest an allergy. Something I’d read about which often crops up alongside colic was reflux. Bodhi ticked a lot of the boxes for this, I feel lucky that he was never so sick that he would bring back up a whole feed but he definitely spit up more than I’d see other babies do and he constantly had to wear a bib because of it and still does now! The health visitor agreed that he seemed to have silent reflux and recommended changing his milk to an anti-reflux formula. We did this when Bodhi was about 9 weeks old and noticed an immediate improvement, for about 5 days we had a much more chilled, content Bodhi; the baby he was destined to be! Unfortunately it was short lived because the thick anti reflux milk made him constipated and we had a nightmare 48 hours because of it. I’d told myself I wouldn’t faff around changing anything or trying anything else and that I just had to ride it out for a few weeks and be patient because once Bodhi would turn 12-13 weeks all the issues would subside. I’d read and seen the evidence in fussy babies that do seem to miraculously chill out at the 12-13 week mark. I couldn’t ride it out though and so I was off to try another formula. This time comfort milk for colic and constipation. I made the decision at this point to switch between the two different formulas for each of his feeds. Bodhi was having 5-6 bottles of 6oz at this stage so I’d generally do 3/4 bottles with anti reflux and the remainder with the colic and constipation milk. If you look on mummy forums about whether this is a good idea a lot of people seem to disapprove but I ran it past my doctor and they said it seemed logical and said to just give it a go. Thankfully it worked out okay for us and alternating between the 2 allowed us to help Bodhi’s reflux whilst not making him constipated so we continued to do this until we felt Bodhi’s tummy had got used to digesting the thick anti reflux milk and phased out the other milk after about 3 weeks.

As the weeks passed Bodhi did become less fussy. He showed us glints of being a chilled, happy little soul all the way through but the gas and reflux just got in the way of letting him fully relax.

A few other tips and tricks that we discovered on our journey of surviving colic and reflux that I haven’t already talked about…

1. Keep your baby up right as much as possible during feeds to help the milk go down.
2. Burp your baby half way through a feed so that they don’t build up so much gas after guzzling the whole bottle.
3. Keep your baby upright for at least 20 minutes after a feed, again to help the milk go down and to allow any more burps to come out.
4. Tapping a babies back when burping them can aggravate reflux so stick to rubbing or rocking/slowly lifting them up and down to burp them.
5. This goes against all sleeping guidelines but when I put Bodhi down for sleep I’d lie him on his left side. He was in a ‘sleepy head’ so was kept secure and not able to roll onto his tummy or back. When he was flat on his back I could hear him gulping and coughing due to reflux. Also lying on your left side can help push out gas as that’s where your colon is and where air gets trapped.

1. When weaning a baby with reflux google foods that can cause or worsen reflux such as apples and tomatoes and limit how much of these foods you give them.

Having a baby with colic can be so distressing and can take away a lot of the joy you should feel when you have a newborn because nothing you do seems to soothe them and you feel in a constant state of despair. I’m very thankful that Bodhi’s colic wasn’t severe, I know of other mums that suffered weeks of having a crying baby for a solid 3 hour stint each night (the witching hours!). We did have these episodes but only a handful of times and it actually happened more so in the mornings when jack would leave for work which meant I did not achieve anything with my day! Bodhi’s reflux, although much more settled, is not completely gone. Even now at nearly 10 months old he’s still on the anti reflux milk. I don’t see the point in trying to change it again whilst he’s settled on it and it’s suitable until he’s 12 months. I do worry about how he will do when we switch him to cows milk. Bodhi doesn’t show any signs of being in any discomfort with the reflux like when he was small but he can be quite sicky, nothing that concerns me too much but he always has to wear a bib and he can’t be jiggled about too much! I’m considering checking up on it with the doctor but I’m hoping he will grow out of it. Is it normal at his age to still spit up quite a bit??

If you’re going through a tough time with a colicky or refluxy baby or both I can assure you it will get easier. I know that the days feel like weeks and the weeks feel like months but give it time and your baby will settle and you’ll acquire so much knowledge, strength and resilience in the process. It’s amazing how you get past one challenge and then you’re on to the next one. Those first three months were so tough and stressful, not only was I adjusting to my new life with a baby and navigating first time motherhood on little sleep I was also challenged with a stressed, uncomfortable baby. I really had to wrack my brains though and go back through texts I’d sent at the time and notes I’d written to remember what I was doing in order to write a lot of this post, it’s all a distant memory now!

Fed is best

When I was pregnant and people asked me if I would be breastfeeding I’d just reply with “yes, I’ll give it a go.” It wasn’t something I gave much thought. I’d read bits of research about how breastfeeding builds up your babies immune system as you pass on all of your antibodies and I liked the sound of that. It didn’t cost a thing, came without the hassle of sterilising and had the added perk of it burning about 400-600 calories a day. Plus, it was natures intention, our bodies were built for this!

Don’t worry I’m not going to preach about the benefits of breastfeeding any further. I know how rubbish it can make you feel when you’ve tried and failed at breastfeeding your baby.

At first things seemed to be going well; Bodhi latched on straight away and with some help from the midwives getting the positioning right he was feeding well. There was a little bit of discomfort but I’d been told to expect that for the first 2 weeks.

Early signs of breastfeeding not going too well are that the baby is losing too much/not gaining enough weight and a lack of wet nappies. Bodhi always maintained a healthy weight and for the first few weeks he must’ve got through at least 12 nappies a day; all poopy ones too!! Bodhi did however seem to feed constantly and I thought this meant that he wasn’t getting enough milk. No, this is just the start of the breastfeeding journey; constant feeding. Pretty much all day and all night. I remember dashing to shower in between feeds, I would literally get a 10 minute break before jack would bring Bodhi to me, inconsolable and gnawing at his fists wanting to be fed. This is how breastfeeding works though; you resign yourself to any freedom and you are just the comforting milk machine that your baby needs for the first few weeks. The advice you’re given is to lie on the sofa all day with your baby on you, have a Netflix series, some snacks and lots of water to hand because you’re not moving so you may as well relax. But I couldn’t relax. I was a week in and the pain of breastfeeding made me sit like the hunchback of Notre Dame every time I had to feed Bodhi with my toes digging into the ground, teeth clenched, tears rolling down my cheeks. I watched endless YouTube videos and read plenty of articles on the positions and techniques to get ‘the perfect latch’ which would mean pain free breastfeeding. I just couldn’t get it.

At a 2 week check up with the midwife I asked if she could check Bodhi for tongue tie as I kept reading that can sometimes be the culprit for problems with feeding. Sure enough Bodhi had it, feeling a sense of relief that this must’ve been the reason it was so painful I didn’t think twice about going to have it snipped a few days later.

Another week passed and things were no better, I’d seen a lactation consultant in that time which was a waste of time and money as she told me everything I already knew. I was lower than ever and I knew that people around me were concerned. I was so upset because the joy of my beautiful newborn was tainted with the anxiety I had over feeding him.

I began expressing my milk into bottles more. I’d expressed a bottle a day from when Bodhi was about a week old as I wanted Jack to be involved in feeding and because I preferred to have a bottle to hand when we were out in public as I didn’t have the confidence or the knack to feed discreetly! I was lucky that I could express quite easily but expressing in itself is a full time job! Bodhi would wake every 2 hours; I’d feed him, burp him, put him back to bed, then I’d be up another half an hour pumping knowing that the clock was ticking and I’d get maybe an hour sleep until the cycle would start again. I went with it though because there was no pain and it meant Bodhi could still have my milk. It was a relief to give Bodhi the bottle and I knew that for both mine and Bodhi’s wellbeing that I wouldn’t be going back to breastfeeding him. I started introducing a bottle of a formula a day from when Bodhi was about a month old and I gradually upped this and expressed less until at 7 weeks old Bodhi was solely on formula. I found with formula feeding that you can definitely have more of a routine to your day which gave me back some sanity and made me feel like my feet were on the ground and I was no longer spinning in the unpredictable world of being a first time mum. You know how much your baby is getting at each feed which is reassuring and helps the troubleshooting of ‘what’s wrong with him now?!’

I was and still am frustrated that breastfeeding wasn’t the natural, dreamy experience that I’d imagined. I was surrounded by other mums that had successfully breastfed and I felt inadequate and envious that I couldn’t do it too. Sometimes I still feel disappointed that I didn’t persevere, yet I know that I was becoming a stressed, nervous wreck and I worried that Bodhi would pick up on that from me which I didn’t want. The pain was ultimately the hardest thing to cope with and is what made me give in. I’d given birth on just co codamol so I’m sure I do have a high pain threshold. I’ll save you all the gory details but somebody else summed it up accurately when they said breastfeeding made their nipples look and feel as though somebody had got to them with a cheese grater. Yep.

The odd thing is that when the time comes and my next bubba comes along I will probably attempt to breastfeed again. I can almost hear the gasps and eye rolls from those closest to me! I know now to get tongue tie checked straight away before any damage and bad habits can be formed. It may be a completely different experience with another baby? I’ll give it a go because it sits right with me to try it again, I know myself and my limits and if it isn’t to be then I won’t force it at the cost of mine or my babies wellbeing. As they say; ‘happy mum, happy baby!’

Regardless of whether you opt to breastfeed or formula feed I will quote that cheesy line “fed is best”. It’s not about making anyone feel like they’re a better or worse mother based on their preference of how to feed their baby. Only you can decide what is best for you and your baby so don’t worry about what others have to say about it.

Sleep and the lack of it!

I thought I’d write my first proper post focused on sleep seeing as it’s something I’ve been obsessed with since Bodhi arrived. I’ve done so much research and I’ll share some of the knowledge I’ve acquired in case, like me you have a baby that doesn’t realise that sleep is wonderful!

Sleep deprivation has probably been the hardest part of motherhood for me so far. I think I’d find coping with a fussy baby all day easier if I’d had a decent nights sleep. I’ve tried and tested everything to get Bodhi to sleep through the night. Everything from swaddling, white noise, more/less layers, baby massage, dummies, dream feeds, altered nap times and that ‘sleepy’ cream from lush.

When Bodhi was newborn I expected sleepless nights but I didn’t realise how much I’d struggle on such little sleep. ‘Sleep when the baby sleeps’ is advice everyone gives to a new mum and believe me I tried but I just could not get my brain to switch off. I’d lie awake getting more and more angry that I wasn’t asleep. It didn’t help when one time I took paracetamol during the night only to find the next morning after zero sleep that they had caffeine in!

Bodhi was up every 2 hours during the night to feed and that’s normal for a newborn. At about 2 months old he decided his bedtime would be around 6pm and he would do a 6 hour stretch. Brilliant! I thought if I made his bedtime later or tried a dream feed he might do a longer stretch but nope, no matter what he was always awake around midnight and every 1-2 hours after that including a poop at 4am. Bodhi struggled with reflux and colic for the first 12 weeks (that lends itself to a whole separate post) and lots of people said after that passed he’d sleep better. When that came and went I held out for ‘once he’s moving more he’ll tire himself out’. After that it was ‘once he’s on solids he’ll sleep better.’ None of this made a difference for us. Sure Bodhi had some nights where he’d do longer stretches of sleep and I’d only be up 2-3 times but it was few and far between.

When Bodhi was four and a half months we went to Spain for 2 weeks and he slept so well over there. Going down at 8/9pm and going through to 4am but it didn’t continue at home. I did seriously consider a move to Spain! When Bodhi turned 5 months I realised how reliant he was on having his dummy to get back to sleep and I was up through the night replacing it. I attempted to wean him off of it but 3 days in and he’d still protest and cry for a good half an hour at every nap/bedtime; my nerves couldn’t take it and I’m sure it wasn’t good for him to be so distraught so the dummy remains! It was at this point that I decided to purchase a sleep guide. There are so many out there that promise to have your baby sleeping through and that there is always a reason why your baby isn’t sleeping. I opted for Little Ones, it was £25 and I do think it was the best thing I bought! The whole guide is about 200 pages full of advice on routines for your baby, how long they should be awake between naps, how much sleep they should be having and lots of other tips as well as a members only support group. It wasn’t a miracle fix overnight but I started implementing more of a routine around Bodhi’s naps and feeds rather than just guessing and having some structure and routine to our day works really well for us. Before swotting up on the guides I was putting Bodhi down for naps when he was over tired or not tired enough, I was creating sleep habits for him like letting him fall asleep on the bottle or rocking him to sleep instead of letting him fall asleep on his own. Something else I learnt is that some babies under 10 months have trouble digesting protein so not to give too much protein at teatime or they might be up all night with a sore tummy. Given all the issues we had with Bodhi and his has and reflux I took this advice on board.

Bodhi is now nearly 9 months old and I’m so relieved that he has started SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! It’s not every night and there is no pattern that I can find as to why some nights he can manage it. He likes to keep me on my toes and I go to bed every night not knowing what’s in store, so exciting! The good thing is that if he does wake and cry out I’m usually just popping in to give him a little pat or just stroke his hair, I’m not having to pick him up or give him milk so it’s just a 5 minute disturbance once or twice a night rather than an hour. I can’t tell you how much of a relief this is. I remember reading through numerous forums of other mums going through sleep deprivation and there were some mums on there yet to have had their 4 year old CHILD sleep all night! I did mention to Jack that there are such things as ‘night nannies’ that basically sleep over and see to the baby through the night. I got quite close to sending an enquiry…

I have been lucky enough to have had 3 nights away from Bodhi since he was born thanks to my super hero of a sister! Despite having a 4 year old and a baby just one month older than Bodhi herself she still kept offering to have Bodhi overnight if I needed/wanted. Her babies are serial sleepers though so she could take one sleepless night every now and then and I can’t thank her enough for it!

Of all the things I’ve tried and tested the things that I’ve kept up and what I think do contribute to a better nights sleep are:

1. White noise. My sister in law recommended the Whisbear which is an odd looking teddy that detects babies waking/crying and it switches on white noise to soothe them back to sleep. I definitely think it comforts Bodhi.
2. The right amount of sleep in the day. I aim for Bodhi to have had at least 2 hours of sleep in the day, if im lucky maybe I’ll get 3. Anymore than 3 and he just isn’t tired enough, any less than 2 and we have a very stressful bedtime routine with an overtired baby!
3. Dummy on a comforter. I didn’t want to give Bodhi a dummy; it’s just something else you have to wean them off of but Bodhi just needed it to be soothed. He only has it for naps/sleeping and I’ve tied it on to a comforter so it’s easy for him to find. I hope that soon I might be able to take away the dummy but leave the comforter for him.
4. Bedtime routine. We’ve followed a very similar routine with Bodhi since he was 2 months old and he definitely knows that sleep is what follows. We don’t make it too long as he gets irritable and just wants his milk and to go to sleep!
5. Don’t rush in straight away. I now give it nearly 5 minutes before I go into Bodhi if he’s awake. Half the time when he cries and I go in he’s still asleep just wriggling around or he’s actually fallen asleep by the time I’ve gone in to him. You can tell the difference from a whingey cry to a full on ‘something’s wrong’ shriek!

I’m making the most of the nights that Bodhi does grant me a night of sleep because I know that there are sleep regressions, teething, nightmares etc. to come and I do realise that sleepless nights is something you sign up for as a mum. Some mums are just lucky with sleepy babies and the worst thing is when you start the sleep deprived journey with other mums but they slowly leave the club whilst you’re left wracking your brains wondering what is wrong with your baby! So I do apologise to any mums that are passed 9 months and still yet to get a full nights sleep, I know how much you’ll want to punch the screen knowing that I’ve been lucky enough to have had even one nights rest.

The thing that’s hard to remember is that when our babies are all grown up and not needing us as much we’ll miss those little babies that just want our comfort through the night. Also having gone through a rough time when Bodhi was poorly for weeks on end I know that as hard as it was I’d have taken as many sleepless nights required just to have him better.

Do you have any other tips/tricks/advice on sleep solutions that have worked for you and your baby? Or how to cope with sleep deprivation? Do share!