Baby number 2: expectations!

With my miserable accounts of newborn struggles & desperate posts about sleepless nights I suppose it was a surprise to some that I’d decide to put myself through it all again by having another baby. True, when Bodhi was about 2 months old I did utter the words to Jack ‘never again’ but fast forward to Bodhi being 6 months and I knew we’d be having at least one more!

Knowing if and when you’ll try to have a second baby is very personal and individual to every family. Jack and I both found the first 3 months of being new parents to be a massive shock to the system and our life and were both in agreement that we’d rather welcome the stress of that again sooner than later. Other people may find that odd and say that it would be better to wait until your first gets older so that it might be easier to juggle a baby with a more independent toddler/child. This makes sense and I can see why people would opt for a longer age gap to benefit from this but we preferred the idea of having our little ones quite close in age. There are pros and cons to any age gap and although I think we’re setting ourselves up for a very testing time with ‘2 under 2’ for a short while I hope that once we clear the baby stage that having just under 2 years between them will be a nice age gap to navigate. Here’s hoping that they’ll be close and not enemies!

We decided that as soon as Bodhi turned 1 we’d be happy to start trying for number 2. We fell pregnant with Bodhi instantly but didn’t know if we’d be so lucky second time around which also factored into our decision to start trying for another. It didn’t happen as quickly but I certainly know that we were very lucky again to not have to struggle to conceive and I fell pregnant when Bodhi was 15 months old. I was apprehensive about being pregnant whilst Bodhi is still so young and dependent on me and I’m still worried about how the rest of the pregnancy will go and how I’ll manage to run around after Bodhi or bend over into his cot when I have a massive belly! Of course I realise I’m not the only person doing this so of course I will make it and survive but I do wonder if I have knowingly set myself up for a more challenging experience compared to if Bodhi was that bit older. But let’s be honest every month that passes brings a new challenge in motherhood regardless of the age of your child so there’s no way of knowing if Bodhi is ‘easier’ now or when he’s 4 or when he’s a teenager; who knows what he’ll be like!

The main things I’m stressed about when thinking ahead to welcoming our new baby to the family are probably things that every expectant mum goes through. Will Bodhi be ok with the new baby? I hope he doesn’t feel neglected or jealous. What’s the plan with Bodhi when I’m in labour? How will I cope getting through the sleepless nights with a baby and toddler? Will I bond with the new baby as much because I won’t just be able to sit and cuddle all day? Will I be a good mum to both of them without having to neglect everything and everyone else? In the newborn fog I’ll also be trying to handle some important toddler milestones with Bodhi such as potty training and transitioning him from cot to bed so I’ll definitely have my work cut out! Luckily Jack is so brilliant and hands on so the fact I know we’re a team and will tackle it all together fills me with some comfort and reassurance that all will be ok. I do cringe when people say ‘is jack hands on/does he help out/it’s good that he does Bodhi’s tea or bedtime’ because his role as a dad and caregiver is as important as mine; as parents it is all about team work. Whilst I spend more time with bodhi and am much more consumed with all the planning and sorting for Bodhi, when jack is with him he absolutely should be able to do everything that I can do and no part of fundamental care giving to his child should be rewarded with a pat on the back or treated as a favour to me. Of course I do sing his praises because everyone deserves that when they are doing a good job. I knew jack would be a good dad and that’s why I wanted a family with him but he surpassed my expectations of how amazing and natural he would be and he has his priorities straight which makes everything easier.

With Bodhi I found the first 3 months so so tough; the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the pain, the frustration, the love, the fear; everything just overwhelmed me! This time around I hope it will be much better. It’s a shame really that you don’t get to experience the confidence of being a mum to a newborn without the distraction of also being a mum to your older child. This time I won’t be able to cuddle up with the baby all day; I’ll have to get out of the house for Bodhi. I feel a bit sorry for the new baby too; it won’t have my undivided attention, it may not always be our first priority, it won’t have the lovely peaceful and calm environment like Bodhi had. Then I think about how much fun the two of them will have and that they’ll be able to play together and entertain each other. They’ll learn and develop a lot from being with each other and I can’t wait to witness the bond between them. I’ve not forgotten the emotional rollercoaster that we went through but perhaps I am better prepared for what’s to come this time. I also know how fast it all goes so I think I will just surrender myself to it and lap it up because it doesn’t last forever and god how I wish I could cuddle my newborn Bodhi again!

Logistically I have a few ideas and plans in place which I hope will help me through the early stages of being a mum of two. I plan for Bodhi to still attend nursery; not as much as he currently does 3 full days whilst I work but at least 2 mornings or afternoons a week. I’ll use it as my opportunity to have some one on one time with the baby and I know it will be good for Bodhi. He loves his days at nursery and thrives there so I don’t want to take him out of that fun, social environment. I also think I’ll hold off on potty training or bedroom changing for the first few months because too much change can be unsettling and I don’t want Bodhi to feel like everything has been turned upside down in his little world. Of course this is all ‘expectation’ and the reality could be very different. If I’ve learned anything through being a parent it’s that you have to adjust your thoughts and plans constantly. It will be very interesting for me to read this blog post back in a years time to see how everything is planning out and how the reality compares to the expectation of being a mum of 2!

Being pregnant this time around is a lot more tiring than I remember but that is most likely because I have a little whirlwind to run around after. It’s also going scarily fast! We have our 20 week scan next month and I’m pretty sure we’re going to leave the gender to be a surprise again. We were more tempted to find out this time just because I have a lot of Bodhi’s clothes which I could either get rid of or keep based on knowing the gender but that probably is the only reason I’d want to know! It’s a very special and exciting time and we cannot wait to meet our little baby; the one that will complete our family. I know it will be hard but I also know that I could literally burst with joy, love and pride for Bodhi and so to have that feeling for 2 little people is going to be so amazing!

I’d love to know how others have coped with a similar age gap and any tips or warnings you can share!