Working mum

I returned to work on a part time basis, working 3 days between 9-6. It was always my intention to return to work, not only for financial reasons but also because I don’t think I’d cope well not having another purpose or role in my life apart from being mum. That is in no way an insult to anybody that chooses or has no other option than to not work. I’ve worked full time since I was 17 and I’ve been fortunate to always land jobs I’ve enjoyed on the whole. I don’t have a career as I’ve done a bit of all sorts but I’ve always moved up or moved on. When deciding to start a family discussed our options and whether I would stop working to be a full time stay at home mum or would go back to work. If i was to take a few years off of work to bring up babies inevitably I’d have to return to employment and so staying employed is the more sensible option. Even if we were in a position for me to never have to work again I think I’d struggle with not having another environment to express myself in. I really was looking forward to having a year off on maternity leave with Bodhi but as we all come to realise you are not ‘off’. There are no days off! It is a lovely feeling not having to answer to or be responsible for anything apart from your little family and there’s no tedious commute and no unrealistic deadlines. That said staying at home with baby can be stressful, mundane and overwhelming all at the same time. Whilst the workload and pressures are different I still think I find it more tiring being at home than I do in the office! When my maternity leave drew to a close I had very mixed emotions about my return to work. I was looking forward to shaking up my routine, switching back on parts of my brain that were starting to fade, discussing things other than Bodhi’s feeding schedule, bowel movements and sleeping arrangements. I also felt terrible guilt that I was looking forward to some time away from Bodhi and felt sad that we would drastically be in each other’s lives a lot less.

Adjusting to working whilst also being a mum came fairly easily. I think the biggest factor for this is that Bodhi settled into nursery from day 1. He has always been so excited and happy to get involved and play when I take him in. Nursery provide daily reports about what he’s eaten, how much he’s slept so that gives my neurotic obsessed mum mind some peace! I haven’t had to endure painful emotional goodbyes when dropping him off so it’s allowed me to focus on my day without feeling sad or guilty. It’s a hectic day though; I’m responsible for sorting out Bodhi’s bag for the day and making sure that both he and I are up, dressed, fed and out of the house for 8am. Some days there’s no time for breakfast and some days I don’t look too presentable but most of the time we make it and I’m in work for 9am. Some days I make it home in time to put Bodhi to bed but not always especially now that I’m commuting on the bus. Out of the 3 days I work 2 are consecutive days and that I find tough if within 48hours I’ve seen Bodhi for maybe 1-2 hours I miss him terribly!

What we have found incredibly tough is how often Bodhi isn’t well enough to go in to nursery which means one of us needs to take the time off to look after him. People did warn us that germs spread like wildfire at nurseries and to expect Bodhi to catch everything going around especially as he was starting at a young age. The toughest part for me is the fact that I’m only part time means that my days are already crammed and so missing a day sets me back massively. Also managing a team means I have the added pressure of needing and wanting to be reliable, present and committed. Of course on the flip side, when I am at work and not with Bodhi when he’s poorly I feel immense guilt and a pull to be with him. Jack and I have taken it in turns to take any time off but it causes us both stress having time away from work especially due to the ridiculous frequency it’s been! It’s frustrating because you feel as though everyones perception is that you don’t care about not being in work or that you’re taking advantage of having a child to take time off. I suppose people that have children are perhaps more understanding about what it’s like. The days I have off are unpaid unless I use holiday yet I still have to pay the fees for nursery so it is annoying.

Being in the office as a mum is different especially when you’re in the minority of being as parent and even more so when you’re under 30 and a parent. The company I work for employs young, ambitious, sociable people with a ‘work hard, play hard’ ethos. I was one of those people and it’s still in me somewhere but my mindset, interests and priorities have changed since having Bodhi. I’m a different person in a whole other world outside of the office.

People are already asking me if I’ll return to work after having my 2nd baby. Again the intention is yes! I worry if I’ll ever make it in with more chance of illness with two of them! I’m sure I’ll be absolutely exhausted and feel completely overwhelmed and stressed some days but we’ll try our best to make it work. Nursery fees are not cheap and I don’t see much of an income once I’ve covered bodhis nursery but what he and I have gained from that bit of independence away from each other can’t be measured in monetary terms. Bodhi has his own identity and life at nursery just like I do at work and I think he thrives there because of it. If Bodhi was unhappy or if nursery was setting him back in any way I would of course reconsider, I’m just so grateful that he does enjoy it. If I was ever faced with the ultimatum of work or children I would pick children every time. Being a mum has been my biggest source of pride and joy and no success at work could compare.

If you’re trying to decide whether to return to work after having a baby there’s a lot to weigh up and consider. Even if you really want to it has to work for your family. I can work the hours required of me at work because Jack is able to pick Bodhi up from nursery. We can afford to cover nursery and have a little bit of income so it’s better than if I wasn’t working at all yet I couldn’t afford to work any more nor would I want to whilst Bodhi is so young. There are cheaper childcare options such as child minders and it is fantastic if you can rely on family for it but we’re not in that position. I chose the nursery because it had the days available that I needed and is close to home so easy for pick ups and drop offs. Going back to work also has to be something you want to do and something that your partner supports. Luckily Jack values and understands why I want to work and whilst I’m sure he’d love me at home doing all the cooking and cleaning he’s made it easy for me to work by taking on those extra responsibilities. We really do try not to keep score over who has had the harder day or who has done more but it is hard and when Bodhi cries out at 3am there is usually a mini snide debate over whose turn it is to get up. I do feel a bit guilty about the fact that I wanted to return to work and have something to focus on outside of motherhood and admitting that I’d find it very tough looking after my own children 24/7 makes me wonder if I should’ve had kids!? I have to say that although being a mum has it’s tough moments I’ve also never felt so much joy, pride and love. Sorry to be soppy but it is the most rewarding role I’ve ever taken on.